Lavender Fields in ProvencePainting my dad made for the Twofer before the were born.
- 5 loads of laundry
- Went for a run while Twofer road their bikes
- Cleaned powder room, kitchen & vacuumed
- Went grocery shopping
- Took the Twofer to their end of year Daisy party
- Cleaned some more
- Did about 2 hours of work
Here's what I did NOT do today:
I did not cry...yet. I did not really think about how today is the 6th anniversary of my dad dying.
And by 'think' I mean having those flashbacks to the final moments in the hospital, holding his hand, by brother's and my mom's while we watched him officially die.
I did not think back on the fogginess of the funeral week.
It was foggy for so many reasons one of which is the fact that our twins were only 3 weeks old. That, my friends, sucked.
So, today I put myself to work. Consciously? Unconsciously? For lack of respect?
No, I think I just had a lot to do.
We're going to the beach in a few days.
I have lots of work and laundry and packing to do before we go.
And my dad was not the kind of person that would have wanted me moping around the house.
If anything, he would want a big party.
Maybe at the 10 year Dad. OK?
As I wrote the title of this post I felt like I was going to cry.
But now I'm ok.
And if I could go back to myself 6 years ago I would tell myself that you will feel better.
You will be able to look at pictures of Daddy and not cry.
You will be able to think back on the early days with twins and not feel completely cheated.
You will find friends who also belong to the WTF Club... whose members have experienced the irony of a joyful birth so close to a tremendous loss.
And you will be able to reflect on June 14th for what it represents - a day to remember Dad and the Flag (as a marine and war veteran I'm sure he's loving that).
But, six years later you will probably still cry.
As I am now.
But, it feels good to remember.
Janine
3 comments:
Your post made me cry. But through your post, I now know your Dad and see his painting and know how much you love him and how much he loves you. I love Flag Day and now it means more to me than before because of the service your Dad gave to our country. My Dad was in the Navy and he proudly served our country too and he loved Flag Day. I lost my Dad almost 34 years ago, and I still cry. It's the missing. It's the missing of the things we want to share. I hope they are in heaven together right now... a rather random meeting just like you and me! I would like that.
Nicely done! You made me cry, but it was worth it
I cried. I loved him and I love you. You're brave and beautiful and classy. Peter can see all that you and JP are. What sucks is that we can't see him seeing it...aw hell, give me a tissue....I'll see you at the beach.
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