Dear Mr. Service Manager at the Car Dealership...

I know you guys probably aren't selling a lot of cars these days what with gas prices where they are and the market tanking.

I know you need to make some money and the fact that most people are fixing their cars rather than buying new ones means service is the best place for you to do that.

I also know, that you know, that once my car is in there (for an oil change and brakes) you have me by the balls so of course I'm not gonna pick it up and bring it somewhere else. (If I had somewhere else I wouldn't have brought it to you in the first place!)

But do you really need to charge me $50 an hour for labor when the part itself is only $89?

Do I really need to get a $1200 quote on work that should really cost only $500 tops?

Do you really need to "recommend" work that, according to my brother-in-law who owned a service shop, is totally unnecessary?

I know I am partly to blame.
Year after year I race it into your shop because we're leaving on one of our 6 hour trips to my mom's house and I like to make sure it's in tip-top shape. Sue me for not wanting to break down again on the New Jersey Turnpike in the pouring down rain in the middle of effing nowhere and having to pee so bad while I wait for the tow truck that my eyes turn yellow!

I'm sorry I don't want to go through that again and yet I still manage to leave the car stuff to the last minute...I'm...not...perfect!

But if you think for a second I'm gonna just freely hand over my credit card today when I pick my car up you are sorely mistaken. I will bitch, moan, grumble, growl, beg, annoy, pester, and harass you because the $40 discount on brakes you so generously offered me just isn't good enough.

At some point I will look at this as a blessing. Because you are finally forcing me to find "someplace" else to go. And once I am there, I will tell all my friends, and I will send you a nasty postcard.

Here's to your $40 discount.
ScaryMom

ScaryMom gets dissed hard

I've just spent the last hour looking for photos I took with my cell phone camera of the Twofer riding their bikes sans training wheels and came across a video I took with my cell phone this summer.

Here I am trying to capture a wonderful summer moment and I get a very clear shoulder snub. Is that a girl thing or what? Even so, with twins, the mom (or primary care giver) is often the third wheel. I'm also often left out, left behind, and the butt of the joke.

You wonder why I call myself ScaryMom?
But I'm also the adult, so I get to bitch about it here and torture them prom night with a video montage.

In this short and very crappy quality video we are on the train at Cabin John Regional Park which is a great park if you ever happen to be in the area. I thought I was doing something very nice. Apparently I am already and embarrassment to my 5-going-on-13 year olds.

Last time I do something nice...
ScaryMom

WARNING...this post will self-destruct in 5 minutes.

Seriously, this post will have to be deleted at some point.

I do my best to be as open and honest in this blog as I can without completely compromising the welfare (and reputation) of my family. That said, because the Towfer offer so much content, they are often highlighted in my posts and I realize that someday that might piss them off...like when they are 16. Although the fact that they already read has me worried that day may come a lot sooner.

So here's the scoop:

It has come to our attention that M can make herself cry.
I don't mean whiny, pouty-face, cry.
I mean full-on, Haley-Joel-Osment-in-The-Sixth-Sense, Halle-Berry-Oscar- acceptance-speech, me-after-the-watching-the-hospital-scene-from-Terms-of- Endearment, body collapsing, shaking, dry-heaving tears.

It is a sight to behold. And the other day she did it over something as silly as no dessert. I literally stood up and gave her a round of applause and saw dollar signs in my eyes.

ScaryMom, "M - that was amazing! You know you can make a LOT of money doing that in front of a camera?!"

M, "Really?" sniff "Why?"

ScaryMom, "Seriously. What do you think about to make yourself cry like that?"

M, "I don't know." sniff "I just think about something sad like you and daddy leaving me or something and I cry."

ScaryMom (ignoring the fact that she thinks about us leaving her) "And you can do that whenever you want?"

M, sniff, sniff nods her head.

ScaryMom, "Can you do it again and show daddy?"

M, sniff "OK.....", and the tears start rolling.

So now it has become a game, but I don't know who's winning.
We've had her do it for some close friends and family members because at first I saw it like any other talent. "Look what M can do!"
But now I'm beginning to wonder because she's cranked up the crying episodes lately and what I thought was 5 yr old drama might just be me being duped!

M starting her magic

If she's this good at playing me at 5, what will she be like at 10? At 13? At 16?
So why not explore (note: not exploit) this talent a little more and see if I can't get her to channel it into a nice Disney movie roll?

Any talent scouts out there looking for cute red-heads with a knack for tears?

Now that I've exposed my daughter, enjoy commenting on my parenting skills (or lack of) because this post won't be up here forever. But I will always be scary.

Cry baby cry,
ScaryMom

Almost forgot to "Let it go on Tuesday"

It's 10:00pm Tuesday, but never to late to let it go, right? In fact, the best time to think about what I will Let Go of is right before I go to bed so I can have a chance at a good, restful sleep.

That said, here's what I will let go of tonight since I can't do anything about it anyway:
1. The amount of chocolate I ate while watching the debate (it's 60% cacao so it's good for me, right?)
2. The fact that I have volunteered for way too much stuff at school already including math lab...and I am terrible at math.
3. My to do list - never ending, always growing.

What are you letting go of?

ScaryMom

The "Promise me, No skydiving parties" Contest!

(Read + Comment = You'll be entered to win!)

Birthday parties have become mini adventures for my kids. One weekend it’s a princess tea party including dress-up, makeup and fashion show. The next weekend it’s breaking boards at a karate party.

What ever happened to some games, some cake, and then watching the birthday boy/girl open presents? I remember THAT WAS the entertainment.

I have to admit that I am guilty of elaborate parties including Elmo, pony rides, and DJs. And I have to admit that a part of me is thrilled the Twofer gets to try so many different things at the expense of someone else (oh please, so are you). Each new experience has left them with a huge smile, and for the most part, a good boost to their self-confidence. Trying new things even when you don’t want to, or are afraid, is a good thing.

Last weekend was no exception. The Twofer was invited to a climbing party at Earth Treks. M flat out refused to even look at the climbing wall. I didn’t push and simply said she needed to be friendly and wish our host a happy birthday…but we were staying. L, as usual, was shy but definitely wanted in on the action.

L taking on some vertical

L donned a hardhat, harness and web of rope and proceeded to stick her fingers and toes onto little nooks and crannies and climb up a fake, 2-story rock wall.

As usual, M’s twin-competitive streak in her won out and she got in that climbing gear quicker than you can say “listenmissy”.

M having changed her mind

She charmed her way to the front of the line and she was up that wall about 4 feet and said, “I’m ready to come down now!”

Well after 3 tries, both girls reached the top of that 2-story wall and I didn’t even have a heart attack. Of course, they were assisted (and safely tethered) by some very nice Earth Treks guys who tried to get me up there. Sorry, my thighs were not meant to be pinched and squeezed into those straps and I don’t need people staring up at my, um, padunk-adunk.

(The best part? The grandmother wanted to try climbing and I got to wear her huge diamond! Karma baby.)

Meemaw's Rocks on my pinky

Last time we hung with this particular boy the girls were tied to a rope and standing on a board about 50 yards from the back of his parents motorboat. Yes, some call it water skiing. I call it starting your 4 year old on the path to the X Games. So I made the mom promise me, No skydiving parties!

Have you thrown or taken your kid to a unique birthday party? Break it down for me (please, 200 words or less) in the comment section (by Friday 10/10/08) and you'll be entered to win a drawing for a Shrinky Dinks book from Klutz!

(Comments left after Friday are appreciated but won't qualify for the drawing.)

ScaryMom

Why I work (in between blogging, Facebook and Twitter)

Lately I find I'm scheduling my work hours around all the other things I love to do (as mentioned above). When the Twofer started kindergarten this year people would ask me, "What are you going to do with all that time?" To which, I responded, "Work more!"
I love working and find it makes me a better mom because I get to break out of that role a few days a week. Plus, I get to feed my hunger for accessories.

Recently Laura at Confessions of a Diet Coke Addict started a weekly blog series featuring a working mom of the week. I submitted a post and was picked for this week! Let's give a big Twofer Thumbs Up to Laura for honoring working moms of all types.

Of course this means I have to start working more so that I continue to qualify.

ScaryMom

Givewaway: 24 Handbags in 24 Hours!

There is a new site about to launch called Handbag Planet and they are going to be giving away a handbag every hour the first day they launch.

All you have to do is go to Handbag Planet, enter with your first name and email (I like that it's limited information) and pick the bag you hope to win (again, nice of them to give us a choice). If you want more chances you can link to their Facebook or Myspace page and, of course, blog about it.

I'm going for the chartreuse colored bag with lots of space. I love that color green. And Mr. Scary will be so happy if I win because then I don't have to go out and buy a new fall handbag (my favorite accessory).

Keeping my fingers crossed,
ScaryMom